i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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