whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
