can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize