You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
