party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
