In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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