Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
We named our party play list daddy issues
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
