Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
