As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He did a backflip because drugs
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