And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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