omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just gargled with NyQuil
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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