i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
