I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
