And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
