So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
