Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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