He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
