Do you still have your period?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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