Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
