You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
