I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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