if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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