Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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