1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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