Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
