i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
