This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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