you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
