Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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