i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
