Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
