9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize