im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
