When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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