im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
