i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
