just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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