do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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