we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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