I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
