Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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