I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
This is classic penis vs brain.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
