Your mouth is God's brothel.
I think my fart just growled at me.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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