Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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