i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
nutella sex= disaster
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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