In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
