I accidentally burped into my bong.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
