I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
