i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
