He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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