we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
