Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
