shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
