Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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