fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
