seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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