i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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