Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
