I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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