I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
