hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize